The Dog Who Came to Dinner
by Foxcat93
Summary: Max and 99 get an unusual partner as they are sent to foil a KAOS plot to steal gemstones and infiltrate the government. Please read and review!
1. The Mission

**The Dog Who Came to Dinner**

**Chapter 1 - The Mission**

A man of average height with short, jet-black hair and wearing a trench coat with the collar pulled up around his face, enters a bookshop in Washington, D.C. Surreptitiously, he glances around. He walks down an aisle and takes out a book and opens it. Glancing down at the book as if reading it, he keeps his back to the hole in the shelf created when he pulled out the book.

"It's raining cats and dogs," he says in a matter-of-fact voice.

"But the sun is shining in Toledo," comes the reply from the other side of the bookshelf.

"That you, Agent 5?" asks the first man.

"Agent 86?" says the hidden man.

"What have you got for me?"

"KAOS is running a smuggling ring in the Eastport area of Virginia. The Chief wants to see you right away. Agent 99 too."

"Right, 5." Agent 86 puts the book back on the shelf and walks to the door confidently, looking to both sides of him, scanning for enemy spies. He takes the door handle in his right hand and bangs the glass door into his nose. Recovering quickly and holding his nose, he leaves the bookshop.

* * *

Maxwell Smart and his wife, Agent 99, walked into the outer office of the Chief's suite at Control. Larrabee looked up from his desk, and said, "Wait!" while running over to the door of the Chief's office with his arms outstretched.

"You can't go in there." He said matter-of-factly.

"But the Chief just called us in to brief us on our new case…" said Max.

"Larrabee, let us by!" said 99.

"No…the Chief said he is not to be disturbed by anyone. He is waiting for a conference with two of his top agents. I can't let you go in there."

Max pressed a button to the side of the door and the door opened automatically behind Larrabee.

"Larrabee, let them through! They ARE the two top agents I've been waiting for!" came the Chief's deep resonant voice from the inner office.

"You said not to let ANYONE disturb you."

"Larrabee," the Chief said, with a definite irritation showing in his voice, "I mean that you should keep everyone ELSE out of my office while I'm discussing this case…it's Top Secret!"

Max walked by Larrabee and entered the Chief's office, 99 following."

"Chief, why can't I get a shoe phone like Agent 86? …I never know what's going on around here!" Larrabee pouted.

"Larrabee, you have a DESK phone…now get out of here or I won't let you go to the Control Agent's Banquet this year. And, Larrabee, please hold my calls."

The Chief was holding his head in his hands sitting at his desk. 99 sat down across from him.

"Chief, you look terrible!" said Max. "You need to get more sleep!" He sat down on the edge of the Chief's desk…a little too close to the edge. He slid off the desk and onto the floor abruptly, but picked himself up and sat down again with no more than an adjustment to his tie.

99 smiled; she was used to Max's lack of coordination. He always had something important on his mind…that must be why he didn't always watch where he was going. Or maybe not…

The Chief didn't even look up to notice Max's mishap. "That Larrabee…I don't know what I am going to do with him…I don't want to fire him, but why can't he understand a simple request?"

Max leaned over closer to the Chief and said knowingly, "Maybe he doesn't understand English!"

The Chief gave him a scowling glance, then said, Agents 86 and 99, we have to get down to business, KAOS is…

Max interrupted the Chief, pointing to the ceiling. "Chief, you know the rules…if this is Top Secret, we have to use the Cone of Silence!"

"Max, the Cone of Silence isn't working…I can't even get it to come down out of the ceiling! The mechanics should be here later today, but until then…"

"Wait, Chief, I can get it going," stated Max confidently. He pushed the button on the Chief's desk and nothing happened. He tried another time. "This calls for drastic measures!" Max climbed on the Chief's desk, knocking over the ashtray. The Chief stood up. "Max, watch where you're stepping…" Too late! Max knocked the phone and two books on the floor. But he didn't notice; he was too busy trying to reach the inside of the Cone of Silence with his pocket screwdriver.

"99, hand me something to step on…I just need a couple more inches…" Max glanced at the bookcase…"99, I think 'War and Peace' should just about do it…" She placed the book under his feet and Max turned a couple of screws and bolts.

The Chief was turning a lovely shade of red. "Get down from there immediately, Agent 86…we don't pay you to do repairs…" he yelled. Then his voice trailed off…"or destroy things either…."

Max stepped down and 99 replaced the ashtray, phone and books on the desk. "Chief, how are we going to talk without the Cone of Silence working? What's our alternate plan?"

"Max, I was about to tell you, it's sign language. Now have you studied your signs?"

"We went over them the last few evenings," 99 chimed in. "Max is doing very well!"

"Yes, I'm doing very well!" said Max, with a not-so-confident look on his face.

"All right, let's begin." His fingers formed the words: _Our intelligence reports indicate that KAOS operatives are planning to steal nearly 10 million dollars worth of museum artifact, mostly jewelry and precious gems, and sell them on the black market in Russia to finance a plan to infiltrate the US government. We don't know the exact details yet. Max, it's up to you and 99 to find out how they are smuggling the gems out of the country and the details of the plan._

99's fingers flashed back, _Right, Chief! What exactly will we be doing?_

_99, this is a dangerous assignment. We have another agent that I would like you and Max to work with on this case. _

Through the whole exchange, Max didn't say anything, but narrowed his eyes and watched their hands carefully. The Chief said out loud, "Max, any questions?"

"Eh? Oh, yes Chief, just one…could you repeat part of that?"

"Certainly. Which part do you need repeated?"

"Everything after "Our intelligence reports…"

The Chief rolled his eyes…"Max, 99 can fill you in later." He stood up as did Max and 99.

Just then the Cone of Silence crashed down on the Chief's desk, scattering everything and cracking itself in a few places. The Chief stood up, turning red again. "Max, what WERE you doing up there?"

"Oh, I just made a few minor adjustments to see if I could make it lower itself as usual." He leaned over closer to the Chief and said in a confidential tone, "It DID lower itself!"

The Chief ignored him this time. "99, I would like you to go down to the lab…I want you to meet the new agent I mentioned before. She is specially trained to help you and Max on this case."

"Right, Chief." 99 headed toward the door, then turned around abruptly. "She? A female assistant? You know, Max and I usually don't need any other agents with us on our cases, Chief."

"Yes, Chief, when can I, eh, we meet her?" Max looked interested.

"Soon, Max…I have a few more things to discuss with you…99, Professor Carlson is waiting for you right now." 99 made her exit.

"What does she look like, Chief? Is she pretty?"

"Max, she's female, but not a woman. Never mind about that."

"Hmmm, she's in the lab…but not a woman" Max got his "thinking hard" look. "Did they build a robot girlfriend for Hymie?" asked Max, narrowing his eyes and thinking out loud. "Or wait…have they resurrected the Bride of Frankenstein? Hmmm, she wasn't too beautiful…"


	2. A New Partner

**Chapter 2 – A New Partner**

"Hello, Professor Carlson," said 99 as she entered the lab, "I understand you have someone for me to meet…"

"Yes, she's right here…" he bent down "Come here Agent F3!"

A tiny Siamese cat, beige with huge blue eyes, a gray mask, ears, feet and tail jumped up gracefully on the lab table. The Professor beamed at 99. "This is Agent F3… she is one of our proudest achievements!"

99 came closer, smiling. "Oh, she's lovely, Professor Carlson…is she a robot?"

"No, 99, and that's the beauty of it. Cats are naturally very smart, but don't always like to be trained. They have…well, you might say…a mind of their own. But through selective breeding and a tiny translating device she wears in her ear, we have overcome these problems and have taught her to comprehend human language. The device she wears enables her to have a complete understanding of English and several other languages as well. Being small and unobtrusive, F3 can enter a room and eavesdrop, with no one having a clue that she is listening. Then she makes her report to you and Max. She also has been trained in fighting techniques…she can defend herself quite well."

"Ummm…Professor Carlson, does she talk?"

"No…she doesn't talk per se. No one will ever think she is more than just an ordinary cat." F3 looked up at the Professor sharply as he made this remark…she looked insulted. 99 wondered…"So how does she report to us?"

Professor Carlson reached in a drawer and said, "Take a look at these earrings…" He handed her some silver and pearl earrings. "Put them on, 99." He picked up the cat and placed her on 99's shoulder. "OK, F3, talk to her."

The cat mewed softly into 99's ear but what 99 heard were words. "Hi, glad to meet you," said F3. "I've been hoping for some excitement lately, this lab is so full of booorrrring people!"

"What we've done," the Professor said proudly, is put a tiny translator in your earrings, so you can understand her."

"That's marvelous," said 99. "I'm so glad to meet you too, F3!" She stroked the cat's soft short fur.

Just then the door opened and Max walked in. "So where's this beautiful robot to accompany us on our case?" He looked around the lab, then spotted F3 sitting on 99's shoulder. "Eh, 99, what's that Chihuahua dog doing sitting on your shoulder?"

"It's not a dog, Max! It's a Siamese cat…a specially trained cat!" said 99. "Why would you think she is a dog?"

"Well, she has a long nose, big eyes, giant ears…and she's too small for a cat." Max said the latter matter-of-factly and nodded his head in Stan Laurel fashion.

"Who's the ding-a-ling?" mewed the cat into 99's ear.

"Max, meet our new partner, F3."

"Eh, pleased to meet you…" Max went up and shook the cat's paw…"Am I supposed to do that?"

"F3, this is my husband, Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control."

"So why are we talking to a cat…" Max looked confused again.

"Here let me explain." Professor Carlson went into the drawer again and this time came up with a set of silver cufflinks. "Max, put these on and then let F3 sit in your lap."

Max sat down in the rolling office chair too fast and promptly spilled himself over the back of it. He got up and tried again, this time more carefully. He put on the cufflinks and then said, "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…" F3 rolled her eyes, but jumped down gracefully from 99's shoulder and hopped on Max's lap. "Now what do I do?" he asked.

Professor Carlson said, "Put your right cufflink up to your ear and put the left one near the cat." The cat started mewing softly into the left cufflink. The voice startled Max so much that he jumped up abruptly and the office chair slid out from under him and he fell to the floor again. The cat jumped off his lap before he landed and 99 gave him a hand to get up.

"What did she say," asked 99.

"She said, glad to meet you, Mr. Klutz." He addressed the cat, "You have my name wrong, dog… eh…cat" Max looked confused. When he looked confused, his eyes crossed a little bit. "Eh, cats can't talk…99, what's going on?" He tapped the palm of his hand on his head a couple times as if that would make his brain fall back into place.

Professor Carlson answered, "She is specially trained to understand human language and your cufflinks and 99's earrings translate her mews into English so you can understand her."

Max regained his composure and looked again at the cat. What's her name…F3? What's her real name…I mean a female agent should have more than a number for a name, right, 99?" 99 frowned at Max, but he didn't notice.

"Well, her real name is classified," said Professor Carlson, "but I call her 'Buttons' because of her big blue eyes."

"Oh, that's cute," gushed 99.

"That's a dumb name for a girl…Buttons?" said Max. Professor Carlson, 99 and F3 all glared at him.


	3. Agent 13

**Chapter 3 - Agent 13**

Outside the building that housed the secret offices of Control, Agents 86, 99 and F3 headed for Max's red Tiger Sunbeam. On the sidewalk next to the car was a mailbox. Max knocked on the mailbox and opened it to reveal a man inside. He was in a dark suit wearing a woman's hat and earrings. F3 jumped into the box and onto the man's shoulder.

"Agent 13," Max said "What are you doing wearing earrings?"

"They ran out of cufflinks, Max…" 13 was listening to F3. He snickered.

"What's so funny, 13?" Max demanded.

"Oh, just something she said," he laughed. 13 seemed totally enamored of F3, why he wasn't even complaining about being stuck in a mailbox.

Just then a woman came by and put a letter in 13's hat. Max bent down closer to 13 as the woman left and asked confidentially, "What's with the hat, 13?"

"I had to wear something to go with my earrings.".

"Let's get down to business," Max said in his most authoritative voice. "Have you found out any pertinent information?"

"No, Max, but I have a Top Secret advisory envelope for you from the Chief. It's for your eyes only!"

13 opened the envelope and started reading, "86, 99 and F3 are to report …"

Max stopped him. "I thought you said that was for my eyes only!"

"Sorry about that, Max. I just noticed that it was stamped Top Secret on the envelope when I was finished reading it the first time." He went back to reading, "86, 99 and F3 are to report to the Eastport Art and History Museum in Eastport, Virginia and start work there. Jobs have been prepared for you – you will be expected. F3 will just circulate through the building, listening and report back to you. Here is a map." He handed Max the tiniest map Max had ever seen.

Max squinted at the map. "I can't read that! It's too small"

"It's for F3. She can help you if you get lost." 13 turned to F3…"Goodbye, now cutie, talk to you later!" She licked his face and jumped out of the mailbox.

"Hey, no flirting with other agents while you're on the job, you two!" 13 flipped the mailbox closed. F3 jumped into the back seat of the car.

Max was annoyed. He had been looking forward to the case, but working with a cat, and a smarty-pants one to boot, was too much. He decided to complain to the Chief later.


	4. Eastport Art and History Museum

**Chapter 4: Eastport Art and History Museum**

Arriving at the museum, Max, 99 and F3 were directed to the Curator's Office to report in for their new jobs.

"Bonjour, Docteur et Mme. Blackstone" said the jovial man in the dark suit. His beret and accent said "French."

"Welcome to ze Eastport Art and History Museum. Your references have been shecked and are completely in order. I am Professeur Thibodeau, founder of zis museum. You have arrived jhust in time…it has been very busy and I need a professional gemologist like you to help sort through all of ze many gems and jhewelry pieces we have collected zis past year. I …" His voice trailed off as he noticed F3 perched on 99's shoulder." "Uh, Mme. Blackstone, you cannot bring ze dog in here!"

"Oh she's not a dog," said 99 for the second time that morning, "she's a Siamese cat! And we couldn't get a pet sitter on short notice; please let her stay with me! She won't be any trouble!"

"Well, as long as she does not bury ze bones under ze rugs or bark too loud, I shall let her stay for ze time being."

99 looked at Max with a resigned expression. "We can guarantee that she won't bark," said Max with a knowing look. "About the bones, I don't know…" his voice trailed off.

"Follow me, please, Docteur et Mme. Blackstone." They arrived in an enormous storeroom with many drawers full of everything you could imagine that would be in a museum. The drawers were built into massive cases that went up to the ceiling and there were many rows of cases.

"You see, we have ze big jhob ahead of us. Docteur Blackstone, I understand zat your specialty is gemology, correct?"

"Eh…what-ology?" Max looked confused.

"Gemology!" 99 whispered.

"Oh, yes, I can find any country on a map and I know their capitals, too! Eh, why do you want me to do that?"

"Max…not geography!" 99 whispered desperately. "Gemology!"

"Ah, yes, germology, I know my germs like the back of my hand."

99 pointed frantically to her diamond ring. "The study of precious gems!" Sorry Professor, he's a little hard of hearing!" she fibbed, covering up for Max.

"OH, I AM SORRY TO HEAR ZAT!" replied the Professor, shouting.

"You don't have to shout," said 99. "He can read lips." She frowned at Max. "Professor, just tell me what you want us to do." She noticed that F3 had her paws over her ears.

"Ze truth is zat we have had several robberies in which many of our precious gems and priceless jhewelery pieces have been taken. Zis was all jhust after ze items were obtained from various sources, most of zem donations to ze museum. Zey have not even been on display yet. We don't know how zey got in or out of ze museum. We need for ze expert in zis field, you, Docteur Blackstone, to catalogue all ze items we still have and assess their value…you see, we fear some of ze pieces may have been replaced wiss…how you say…fakes?"

* * *

Finally alone in the storeroom, 99 said, "Max, how are we going to find out how they are smuggling these gems out of the museum? They must be hiding them in something, but what?"

"The Professor wants us to catalog all these gems. He said he needs to know which ones are fakes. I can't even tell a real one from a fake if they are right next to each other!"

"I can't either, Max, but we can't take the Professor into our confidence …"

F3 had been busy. She hadn't been burying any bones under the rug, but she HAD been digging around in them. She mewed softly and jumped on 99's shoulder. "Look at the bone section…the case way in the back, up against the back wall…there is something odd going on there."

"Max,"99 said, "the archeological section, the bones…over there!"

The three agents found several of the drawers were open, drawers in which pre-historic bones were kept. It looked very much as if some of the bones were missing. Max pulled a five-foot leg bone from the monstrous bottom drawer. "Hmmm, this fella was even taller than Hymie the Robot!" he said admiringly.

"Max, it's a dinosaur leg."

Max slid the tall ladder over to the end of the drawers. "I think we should look and see what is in those top drawers."

"Max, be careful!"

Max got to the top drawer and opened it. "Hmmm…more bones…wait, this is strange…"

"What's strange, Max?"

"There's bags of something in here, inside the skulls…99, it's gemstones…but why would they be up here?" Max moved over a bit to open another of the bags when his foot caught in a lower drawer that was partially open. He flailed to keep his balance and managed to hold on, but the drawer fell to the floor with a mighty crash. Max looked down. "I hope you're OK, 99…" he said earnestly.

"I'm fine, Max, but you'd better come down from there…"

Max turned to come back down, but when he passed the hole where the missing drawer had come out, he stuck his head in curiously. "99, there's something in here…" he pulled out his gun-that-was-really-a-flashlight and shone it into the dark area. He pushed himself a bit further into the hole to get a better look. "99, there's a staircase going dowwwwnnnnnnnn…..!" He lost his grip and slipped forward down a long narrow set of stairs to the bottom and hit something hard.


	5. The Smugglers

**Chapter 5 - The Smugglers**

"Max!" said 99 in alarm. She hurried up the ladder, glad she had worn a pants suit and flat shoes instead of a dress and high heels. Then she remembered F3. But the cat had actually leaped up the ladder ahead of her and 99 just saw her tail disappear into the dark hole Max had gone through.

99 turned on her ring-that-was-an-emergency-flashlight and shone it down the stairs. She turned so she was heading down the stairs backwards and could hold on. When she got to the bottom of the very long flight of steps, she felt like she was in a basement. It was cold and smelled moldy and dank. Even though she could see immediately around her with the light of the ring, the darkness was as thick as fog and she lost her bearings. She moved slowly as she called, "Max, where are you? F3, are you here?"

After she had walked a short length she tripped over something and heard a sound. "Max! Is that you? Are you OK?"

"Oh, my head hurts," groaned Max. "Don't tell me I hit a concrete wall."

"Looks like you hit a concrete wall, Max!"

"I asked you not to tell me that, 99!"

"Max, you could have killed yourself! Don't stand up yet…let me check your pupils for a concussion with my flashlight ring." She knelt down and fussed over him, rubbing his head and shoulders.

Suddenly 99 felt something soft at her ankles and heard a mew. She picked up F3 and the cat whispered, "I know where we are…"

"Wait," said, 99…"Max, put your cufflink up to your ear and the other on my shoulder near F3 so you can listen."

The Siamese agent went on, "This basement leads to an underground part of the river and that leads out to the ocean eventually. That's how they have been smuggling the jewels out of the country…They are put in the dinosaur skulls, packed up and sent overseas, looking like archeological items for another museum. Some would be sneaked out at night surreptitiously and those that did have to go through customs would not likely be caught…no one would suspect archeologists of putting gems in their valuable dinosaur bones. Oh, another thing…I think some of the BONES are fake, maybe all."

Max's head was feeling better, but the cat still irritated him. "And we should take the word of a CAT that those are fake bones? How would YOU know that?"

"I took a bite…tasted like plastic to me," F3 said nonchalantly. She started taking a bath.

Max still looked incredulous. "99, I know I'm right…she IS a dog…she eats bones!"

"Max, we have to plan our next move. It's not safe to go back up into the museum. I think we need to contact the Chief."

"Right, 99." Max took off his right shoe, unscrewed the sole, flipped up the mouthpiece and started to dial. He dialed the usual number, but the operator came on and said, "There is no such number, plee-ahze put in another di-ahm, and try your number again.

"Operator, please dial for me, it's dark where I am and I must have dialed the wrong number. Give me Control."

"Number, plee-ahze," said the operator. "Who are you trying to control, sir?"

"I'm trying to get Control…it's a top secret agency."

"I have no listing for that agency, sir."

"Then give me Harold Clark's number." Max used the Chief's cover name.

"Plee-ahze put in another di-ahm, sir."

"Operator, I'm dialing from an unlisted shoe! You can bill Control!"

"Max, give me the shoe," said 99. He handed it to her. "Ma'am, this is really an emergency, the fate of the free world hangs on us being able to get through to our headquarters. Please cooperate!"

"I have no listing for that number, sir."

Being called "sir" just made 99 madder. She was about to give the operator a piece of her mind when she felt F3 scratching gently at her trouser leg. The cat motioned 99 to put the shoe near her face. Then F3 made a horrendous sound into the shoe, something like a cat fight, hissing and snarling. After that, Max and 99 heard the welcome sound of ringing and the Chief answered.

"What did she say?" asked Max in amazement. He grabbed the shoe and spoke into it, "Chief, I found how the jewels are being smuggled out of the country. My plan is to follow the river, and apprehend the thieves at the outlet to the ocean."

The two females just looked at each other in the dim light of the ring flashlight. Max wound up the call and put his shoe back on. "Okay, ladies, let's get hiking…"

99 interrupted him…"My ring flashlight is running low…how is your gun light?"

"Fine for the moment, I'll lead the way." Max was feeling confident again. "You two females stay behind me and everything will be just fine!"

They stayed close to the concrete wall, which soon turned into a natural rock wall as they emerged from the basement, still mostly in the dark. The wall followed the river and they had to walk carefully as the ledge was narrow at times.

Suddenly a dim light glowed up ahead and they began to be able to see without the gun light. The light was in a huge cave that reached far above and far below where the agents were. They were coming out onto a ledge in about the middle of the cave. The river flowed down on the rocks below, making a "ssshhhing" sound becoming louder as they came closer. The ledge stopped abruptly, and although there were steps cut into the stone, next to the river, anyone using the staircase could be easily seen by a group of stevedores loading crates onto a barge.

"This is it, 99, we found where they're loading the gems! We have to be extremely careful now…Did you see the KAOS emblem on the wall?" There was indeed a huge symbol, a buzzard with its feet on an oval shaped globe, the symbol of KAOS, painted on the stone wall of the cave.

"I think we ought to lay low, Max, and wait for reinforcements."

"Ridiculous, 99!" scoffed Max. "Why there's only" he counted the dock workers out loud "nine…ten…eleven…twelve…and we are" he counted himself, 99 and F3. "Eh, one, two, …and…a cat. You know, 99, I think the wisest thing to do would be to lay low and wait for reinforcements."

Without warning, two burly men came up behind them. One of them grabbed 99, who let out a scream of surprise. No one noticed F3 who jumped down from 99's shoulder and hightailed it into the darkness of the cave.

"Take that, Mr. Ugly!" Max yelled as he gave the other stevedore a good punch in the face which sent him backwards…slightly. Max added a couple karate chops on the man's shoulder, then grabbed his hand and grimaced in pain…This of course did nothing to the stevedore who glared at Max. Max, seeing that he was getting nowhere, tried the soft touch…he put his arm around the man's brawny shoulder and said confidentially…"I hope I wasn't out of line with the Mr. Ugly remark." He attempted to brush imaginary dirt off the man's shirt.

The brawny man, probably a foot taller than Max and 100 pounds heavier, grabbed and flung Max down the stairs and across the cave's rock floor. 99 screamed and shuddered as he landed at her feet where she was already tied up and sitting on a crate. "Max, are you OK? Max? Max?" He didn't respond.

The stevedore propped Max up on another crate, in back of 99, and tied them securely together. The two dock workers started talking quietly, but 99 could still eavesdrop.

"Who do ya think dey is?"

"Dunno. Prob'ly some nosey Control agents like da boss warned us. Don't matter who dey are…we'll get ridda dem soon. But we gotta wait for da boss."

"Lemme throw dem in da river, hey Jake? It's always fun to do dat!"

"Da boss can decide. An' it's my turn to throw da Control agents in da river!"

"Awww…you allus gets all da fun!" pouted the first man.

"Quiet, here comes da boss…" They went over to join the other stevedores.

A man with a leather trench coat walked into the cave followed by a slightly taller, muscular man dressed in black. The burly stevedores lined up as if they were soldiers being reviewed.

99 craned her neck to see what was happening…she was just out of earshot…hmmm…the man in the trench coat…no, it couldn't be…but it looked like Control's old nemesis, Conrad Seigfried and his number two, Shtarker!

After a lengthy set of instructions shouted at the line of dock workers, and a lot of strutting and walking back and forth by Seigfried, the workers started back on their task of loading the crates. Seigfried strode over to where 99 and Max were tied up.

"Vell!" he smiled…"to my great pleasure! It is my old enemy, Maxvell, Schmardt and za lovely Mrs. Schmardt!" He walked around the two tied-up agents, surveying the situation.

"Schmardt, this is the last time ve vill meet!" It sounded like an order. "This time I haff you and you von't be going anyvhere soon! Except maybe to the bottom of the river!" He gave Max a shove and realized that he was still unconscious. "I told them to shtop knocking Control agents out before ve kill them! Half the fun iss telling them vaht ve are going to do to zem!" Seigfried fumed.

Shtarker was rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of doing away with the Smarts. "Ja, Seigfried! And venn they go down under the vater, they blow bubbles that zound like this…gurgle, gurgle, bubble, bubble, svish, svish…"

"Shtarker!" Siegfried interrupted him and pointed to the KAOS symbol painted on the cave wall. "Zis is KAOS! Ve don't gurgle, bubble, svish, svish here!" He stopped to think a moment…and Shtarker…"

"Ja, Siegfried?"

"Vat is gurgle, bubble, svish…I haff drowned many a Control agent, but none of them vent, gurgle, bubble, svish!"

Seigfried turned back to the Smarts. Max had awakened just moments before and was still feeling groggy. He took in the situation and tried to think clearly.

Seigfried was standing in front of Max, smiling. "Vell, Maxie, looks like I finally haff you…pay attention, Maxie…" He gave Max a sharp slap on the cheek.

"Thanks, Seigfried, I needed that," said Max, shaking his head slightly from the sharp blow. "Seigfried, you'll never get away with this!" Max's nasal voice rose about half an octave as his mind formed a plan and his confidence came back. "Would you believe that, right now, coming down that river, there are 100 Control agents in submarines armed with machine guns, ready to take you into custody?"

Seigfried smiled, "I vould find that very hard to believe, Mr. Schmardt!"

"Would you believe 50 burly sailors in high powered motor boats?"

"I don't sink so, Maxie."

"How about 10 agents in swimming trunks riding on killer whales?"

"No, no no, shtop this foolishness…" Seigfried sounded irritated.

While this exchange had been going on, F3 had crept up in the darkness and snuck between the crates where 86 and 99 were tied. She clawed her way up the crate, stood up on her hind legs against 99's back and stuck her head under 99's shoulder-length hair. She mewed very softly so only 99 heard her voice. "Where are you hiding the knife? I can cut the ropes if I can get to the knife." She whispered.

"It's inside of my right sleeve," said 99 out loud.

Seigfried looked at her puzzled. "Vat are you talking about, Miss 99?"

"Oh, uh…my arm itches where I am tied up."

Shtarker looked happy…"Seigfried…more torture…she can't scratch her arm…itching torture!"

Max realized what F3 was doing, although it was taking her a while to cut through the ropes. He would have to remind 99 to get her knife sharpened.

As the ropes finally broke, Max groped for his hidden flashlight-that-was-really-a-gun at the same time that 99 was fumbling for her pen gun. They had one chance to make a move and it had better be fast.

"Seigfried," Max said, "I find it incredible that you don't believe that we have at least 5 agents probably aged 6 to 13 years old with squirt guns ready to come in here and take you prisoner!"

"Schmardt…I don't think you can say ANYZING shtupider than that!"

"Yes, I can, Seigfried…would you believe at this very moment there is a very small cat with an incredibly sharp knife cutting these ropes and setting us free?"

At that, 99 and Max stood up with their weapons pointed at Seigfried and Shtarker. "Tie them up, 99."

"Right, Max."

Max was still concerned about the dock workers hearing the scuffle and noticing that the Control agents were escaping. Suddenly the sound of many men running swiftly on the hard stone was heard. The Chief and Larrabee ran up to Max as at least 10 other agents took the dock workers into custody.

"Good work, Max and 99! And you too, F3! An excellent job!" said the Chief. "I expect there will be a commendation in this for you!"

Max swaggered a little. "What kind of commendation, Chief?"

"I am not sure, but probably a small plaque and extra toys and catnip."

"Eh…catnip? I don't like catnip!"

"Not you, Max! I was talking to F3! Oh, sorry, Max and 99…I am sure you will get commendations also…it's just that it's F3's first case. I'll see all of you tomorrow in my office bright and early."

"Have you ever TRIED catnip, Max?" asked Larrabee as they all left the cave. "F3 tells me it's really good!"


	6. Hymie Helps

**Chapter 6 - Hymie Helps**

Max unlocked the door to the apartment to find Hymie the Robot sitting on the couch. "Hymie! What are you doing here?"

"The Chief sent me over to be the bodyguard, Max."

"That was nice of him, Hymie, but I don't need a bodyguard."

"Not you, Max…it's F3."

"Hymie, that's ridiculous! She's a dog…uh…a cat…she can take care of herself!"

"Max, there's only one like her in the world…she's very valuable."

Max narrowed his eyes. "Only one, Hymie, only one? Then why is her name F-THREE? There must be at least two others around somewhere!"

"They were fired for incompetence, Max."

"Incompetence? Well, they certainly should have been fired for incompetence. I can't stand to see incompetent agents working at Control! Why incompetent agents could put the fate of the free world in jeopardy!" Max stopped then and thought about what he had just said. Then he closed his mouth.

"Max," chimed in 99. "It's way past dinnertime…aren't you hungry? I know I am…and I have to find something for F3."

"Here, 99…I bought her some cat food," said Hymie, handing 99 several small cans. "I put her litter box in the bathroom, too, Max. Under the sink." F3 jumped up on Hymie's shoulder and rubbed her head against his face. He scratched her chin.

"Hymie, did I even SAY F3 could stay here?"

"No, Max, the Chief did."

"Oh," said Max.

* * *

Later that night, after 86 and 99 had gone to bed, and F3 had decided to cuddle up between them, she heard a sound. She jumped off the bed soundlessly and slipped over to the door.

F3 stood on the landing and looked down the stairs. Hymie was battling it out with three thugs. He threw one against the wall, where the man slid down and slumped to the floor. Hymie landed a punch on the second man's chin and he went flying and landed near the couch. The third thug jumped on Hymie's back and the robot flipped him forward where he crashed to the floor. The fight over, Hymie brushed his clothes off and sat down on the couch.

Max and 99 heard the commotion. Max jumped out of bed and grabbed his robe. "F3, why are you making so much noise?" he said to the tiny cat looking up at him. She meowed but he couldn't understand her because he wasn't wearing his cufflinks. F3 turned and started down the steps, with Max right after her. 99 followed, after pulling on her robe.

Max saw the three comatose thugs and looked at the little cat…"Say, F3, you ARE good…how did you do that?"

"Max," said 99. "Hymie did it…he's on the couch."

"Yes…of COURSE Hymie beat up three thugs. Why would you think F3 could do that, 99?" Max narrowed his eyes and looked at Hymie. "Hymie, how did these men get in here? Through the window? Maybe it was the fireplace?"

"No, Max. You forgot to lock the door."

"Oh."

"Did you find out what they wanted, Hymie?" asked Max.

"They were after F3."

"F3," Max mused. "Wonder what they wanted with her."

"Max, she's a valuable Control agent!" said 99. "Why don't we just go back to bed and get some rest. I have a feeling we're in for a strenuous day tomorrow."

"You know, 99," said Max. "Hymie can make sure the door is locked and no one else gets in here. Why don't we just go back to bed and get some rest. I have a feeling we're in for a strenuous day tomorrow!"

Early the next morning, Max, 99 and F3 left their apartment in the capable hands of their mechanical friend and went out the back door of the building to avoid being seen.

"Before we go to headquarters, 99, I have to speak with Agent 13. Where do you think he is today?"

99 pointed down the street to the jewelry store. There was a tall street clock outside the shop. "I think he's in there, Max."

Max nonchalantly sauntered over to the clock and inconspicuously opened a small access door. "13, are you there?" he whispered.

13's face appeared in the opening. He looked irritated. "86, I sure AM in here! It's really cramped! And they just oiled the clock! The oil is dripping in my face! See that?" He pointed to some drips of oil on his face. "86, every hour I get clobbered with those heavy clock weights…and the pendulum is scraping my back…back and forth….back and forth! And I don't dare stand up straight because then the clock will be off…and do you know what happens then? Do you?"

"No, 13, I don't know what happens then," said Max uninterestedly. "What happens, 13?"

"Nobody will know what time it is!"

"13, I didn't come here for a discussion of how clocks work. I need to know if you have seen any suspicious looking people passing by."

"86, I don't think I am going to tell you," he pouted. "You don't even care that I have clock oil in my hair."

"OK, 13, I care! Will you answer my question, already?"

"86, there were 3 suspicious thugs that went in your apartment building last night. No one since. But I do have something to tell you."

"What is it, 13?"

"The Chief wants to see you in his office bright and early." 13 shut the access door.

"Wait, Max," said 99. "F3 wants to say hi to 13."

Max knocked on the panel again. "13, your girlfriend wants to have a word with you. Do you still have your earrings?"

13 opened the access door again. 99 brought F3 close. She licked 13's face. "See, 86?" said 13 triumphantly. "Someone DOES care!"


	7. The Mission: Part II

**Chapter 7 - The Mission Part II**

As Control's three top agents arrived at the Chief's office suite, Larrabee was at his desk as usual. "Larrabee, can we go in or are you still keeping everyone out?" asked Max.

"No, Max, go right in."

"Didn't the Chief tell you not to let anyone bother him?"

"Yes, he did."

"Then why are you letting us go right in?"

"I'm mad at him."

Max and 99 exchanged a glance that said, "Don't ask."

"Come in, come in," said the Chief. Please sit down. "Max, 99 and F3, we have more information about the plot to take over the government."

"Is it Top Secret?" asked Max.

"Yes, Max," sighed the Chief, knowing what was coming next. "But the Cone of Silence isn't fixed yet. They can't get parts. We will have to resort to another secret method."

"Which one is it today, Chief?"

"We'll use smoke signals. Here are your cigarettes, and here's an extra ashtray." He reached in his desk and pulled out a tiny gas mask and put it on F3.

"What's that for, Chief?" asked Max.

"We want to make sure F3 stays in perfect health. Cats are very sensitive to smoke, you know."

_Cats are very sensitive to smoke, you know…_Max mimicked the Chief, mouthing the words soundlessly.

"What was that, Max?" said the Chief sharply, aware that he was being made fun of.

"Nothing Chief…let's get on with it." He brightened. "Chief, let me use my new lighter…it's in a gun." He pulled the trigger expecting a flame, but a switchblade came out the business end of the gun instead. He looked surprised but recovered quickly. "Do you need anyone stabbed, Chief?"

"Use my lighter, Max! Let's get started."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Larrabee. "Chief, maintenance wants to fix the Cone of Silence."

"Not now, Larrabee…didn't I tell you we are not to be disturbed?"

"You did, Chief, but I'm ignoring you because I'm still mad at you. And besides, maintenance said if you don't get it done now, they will go away and put you on the end of the list so the Cone of Silence won't get fixed til 1989."

Max jumped up…"Chief, we HAVE to have the Cone of Silence working! Let the men work on it!"

"All right, Max." The Chief was exasperated again. "Come in, come in."

"Chief, we can still use the smoke signals while they are here…they won't know what we are talking about."

"You're right, Max. Let's start again."

The two maintenance men climbed on the Chief's desk and Max pulled the chairs to the side of the room. The agents and the Chief started to make tiny smoke signals with their cigarettes.

_Our intelligence sources report that even though you thwarted the jewel smuggling, there is still enough money available for KAOS to put the takeover plan into action_, signaled the Chief.

_What's their plan, Chief? _signaled 99.

_KAOS is going to put their own agents in place of many of the top officials in Washington. They'll be using doubles so no one will know the difference. They are planning to kidnap and kill the real officials. Once these KAOS agents get into the government, they could create…well, chaos. _The Chief smiled at his pun.

"Eh, I don't get your drift, Chief." Max said aloud.

"Never mind, Max_._"The Chief went back to the smoke signals_. Max, 99 and F3, we know this is big. It could reach into Congress, why even the White House!_

"The WHITE HOUSE?" Max shouted. "That IS big!" 99 and the Chief shushed him, pointing to the maintenance men on the Chief's desk. "Oh, sorry about that, Chief."

_You three are to infiltrate the White House, _the Chief went on. _Your equipment and disguises, anything you need, you can pick up in the costume department. And the lab has come up with a weapon small enough for F3. She has shown herself to be very capable with tools on her very first mission._

The Chief reached into his pocket. _This is something F3 can easily wear. It's a knife-gun-magnet combo, accessible for her use with buttons that can be activated with her nose, teeth or claws. _The Chief put the tiny tool, which was already on a chain, around the cat's neck.

Suddenly, Larrabee burst into the room with a fire extinguisher and started spraying everyone and everything.

"What are you DOING, Larrabee?" yelled the Chief through the haze of smoke and white extinguisher foam.

"I saw smoke coming out from under the door…where's the fire?"


	8. The White House Costume Party

**Chapter 8 - The White House Costume Party**

Max, 99 and F3 were standing in line for a tour of the White House. They were all dressed alike in trench coats, fedoras and dark glasses.

"Max, why do you suppose the costume department thought this was a great disguise? We look a little obvious, don't you think?"

"Not a bit, 99! Did you get a look at the rest of the yay-hoos in this line?" It was true, many of the people waiting for the White House tour wore very odd costumes. "It's for the annual White House Costume Party, 99. It's a fundraiser …99, do you think we are in the wrong line for a tour?"

"I've never heard of the annual White House Costume Party, Max! Where did you find out about it?"

"I read about it…" they were standing next to a large sign that read "Annual White House Costume Party. He tapped the poster. "I, eh, read about it right here."

99 looked closer…"Max, did you see the last line…'A fundraiser for KAOS!'" 99 spoke a bit too loudly and the next person in line, a little old lady in an "alien from outer space" costume spoke up. "What does KAOS stand for? I never heard of that charity!"

"It stands for the most despicable, evil…eh…" his voice trailed off as 99 put her forefinger up to her lips to shush him. "It stands for …eh…Kittens and, eh…Old Soldiers! That's it, Kittens and Old Soldiers."

"Oh, isn't that sweet! said the geriatric "alien." "It's nice to see so many young people like you coming together for a good cause!" She looked down at F3 in her miniature secret agent costume. "Is that your daughter?" She looked at F3's long feline nose and then at Max's long nose. "I think she takes after you, young man."

When the line finally started moving, the three Control agents stayed with the group as they were led to the ballroom, but then slipped away surreptitiously before it was noticed that they were gone. They ducked into an elegant room with a long table and many chairs around it.

"What's our next move, Max?" whispered 99. "How will we ever find out who is a KAOS agent impersonator?"

"Someone's coming!" said Max. "Quick…in the closet." He pushed 99 ahead of him into the closet and closed the door. F3 hopped up on a shelf and looked down. The three agents listened. There were quite a few voices and some shuffling in the outer room.

Max opened his trench coat and pulled from a pocket, one of the Control lab's latest innovations, a tiny periscope. With it, he could insert the flexible pencil-thin stalk into a keyhole and observe what was going on in the next room. It was quite ingenious in that it had a telephoto lens built in for close-ups, a tiny earplug to amplify sound and, in an emergency, it also doubled as a weapon, firing several tiny bullets.

Max knelt down to observe the outer room. The tumult stopped as the people sat down and one man began to address them. "Who is it, Max, what are they saying?" whispered 99.

"It looks like the President's cabinet," said Max. "Funny, I didn't know they all spoke with accents…."

"Max, those must be the imposters!"

While Max and 99 were listening intently to the "Cabinet" meeting, F3 was getting bored. Because she could see in near darkness, she scanned the small closet they were crammed into. There were coats and other clothing hung on a rod just under the shelf she was standing on. Behind the clothing, there was a knob in the wall. She jumped down and gave the bottom of the wall beneath the knob a tiny push. A door swung open into a dark passageway that she entered soundlessly.

The "secret agent" disguise was weighing her down, so F3 shed it quickly; the only thing left was the specially made tool that she carried around her neck.

F3 ran a short ways down the secret corridor, but stopped short when she heard some muffled noise, like bumping, near her. It was coming from behind the wall. She jumped to a small ledge and looked out of a round hole to see at least 12 men, handcuffed with kerchiefs tied around their mouths. She recognized some of the men from the TV news; they must be the kidnapped government people! She pushed open the secret door and with her special tool's knife in her mouth, she slit the ropes tying the hands of the nearest man.

She then ran back into the passageway and down the hall to the closet. She ran over to Max and whispered in his cufflink, "I found the kidnapped people!"

Neither of the agents had seen F3 leave. Not expecting to hear a voice come out of his other cufflink, Max was startled by F3 and he let go of the little periscope and got his finger wedged in the keyhole.

"What's going on, Max?"

"F3 apparently has something very important to say," said Max sarcastically, trying desperately to get his finger out of the keyhole.

"I know that, Max, she just told me too…but we have to get your finger out of there. Here use some of my lotion. Put it around your finger and into the keyhole." Max finally slid his finger out and put it in his mouth because it hurt and was starting to swell.

"99?"

"What, Max?"

"Your lotion tastes terrible."

"Let's get the periscope back, Max," 99 said peering through the keyhole. "I think F3 could retrieve it." They opened the door a slit and the feline slipped out and retrieved the periscope in her mouth.

"All right, F3…your report," said Max.

F3 repeated what she had said earlier and added that the men looked familiar, probably government officials.

"So, those are the real elected officials and these are the KAOS imposters," mused Max as if he had solved a difficult equation. "Or are these the KAOS imposters and those are the real elected officials…" he looked confused again.

"Max," said 99. "Hurry! Call the Chief!"

Max took off his shoe, twisted the heel, took the sole off and dialed the Chief. "Sam's Fish and Tackle Store," came a gruff voice at the other end. "What can I do you for?"

Max thought a moment. "I could use some of those little floaty ones with the green feather…and some worms, nice juicy worms…"

99 interrupted him…"Max, the Chief!"

Max turned back to his shoe. "And get me a box for the Chief, too!"

In desperation, 99 pulled the phone away from him. She dialed Control's number and handed the shoe back to Max.

"Hi, Chief. I just ordered us some tackle and bait for our next fishing trip…what? …eh, yes, the case." He explained that KAOS had infiltrated the White House. "The real government people are tied up in another room."

"We'll have backup over there as soon as possible, Max. In the meantime, don't let the KAOS imposters escape.

"Right Chief."

"Max, what's your plan?" asked 99. "Are you going in and hold them prisoner til the Chief arrives?"

"No, 99, I'm not. I am going to go in and hold them prisoner til the Chief arrives. Follow me."

The agents opened the door to a huge melee. It looked as though there were two of everyone and everyone was punching or hitting someone else.

"Max, it looks like the government officials have gotten loose, but unfortunately they came in here! Now we can't tell who the KAOS agents are!" said 99.

"This is the first time I've really seen our government in action!" Max said confidentially to 99.

Max stood on a chair and shot his gun in the air for silence. Surprised, everyone stopped fighting and turned around to look at him.

"I am Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control," Max said, his nasal voice rising half an octave. "You are all under arrest. Now…let's have a little order in here… you KAOS operatives, get on the left side of the room. And you real elected officials get on the right." Max motioned with his gun as everyone crowded over to the right side of the room.

"You're ALL KAOS agents? I had heard about government corruption, but I didn't expect THIS!"

The Chief came in from the opposite side of the room, gun in hand, followed by a swarm of Control agents. The agents rounded everyone up and escorted them outside. The Chief came over to Max, 99 and F3.

As he stepped forward to greet the Chief, Max's foot caught on the chair as he was stepping down and he knocked over the chair and got his legs tangled in it. He stood up and brushed himself off.

"Max, we've just apprehended the KAOS agents who have also infiltrated Congress. Unfortunately we had to take away all the Senators and Congressmen with them until we can determine who the KAOS agents are," said the Chief. "We'll use truth serum."

"Chief, it will never work," said Max, shaking his head.

"What do you mean, Max? Truth serum always works."

"On Senators and Congressmen? TRUTH serum? I think not!" said Max emphatically.

The Chief ignored him. "Max, we still have a problem. The President is missing. And he's due to make a speech tonight on television. We can't let the general public know that he's missing…that would erode public confidence, the stock market would crash, public riots…we just CAN'T let that happen. Especially since there is no one else in the White House or Congress either until we determine who the real officials are and let them resume their jobs."

"What do you want us to do, Chief," asked 99.

"See if you can find the President before he is due on television. Agent 13 will be around to help you. Start by searching the whole White House. We suspect he is being held prisoner here with one or more KAOS agents guarding him. Other than that, there are no personnel in the White House." F3 put her head near the Chief's hand and rubbed her face on his hand.

"Oh, yes, F3," the Chief said as he stroked her head. "I want you to use your superior hearing to check each room for KAOS agents." The cat nodded and licked the Chief's hand. "Remember, on this case, you ARE a team," the Chief said, looking specifically at Max."

The Chief looked down at F3, who was still licking his hand. "She sure is a cutie, isn't she?" said the Chief.

Max looked disgusted. 99 smiled. F3 hopped up on her shoulder and started to purr.

The Chief left and the three agents thoroughly search the room. "Nothing in this room. You know, 99, these old houses sometimes have secret passageways. Maybe there's one here."

"Yes, Max, I think that's what F3 was trying to tell us before. She also says she detects a lot of noise in that direction."

"The closet…" said Max, pulling out his gun-flashlight. The three agents went through the door and down the passageway." F3 pointed out the shelf with the eyehole. Max looked through it, but the room was deserted now. "Wait, I hear some music…" he said.

They continued down the passageway and Max again peered through two eyeholes. They had forgotten about the KAOS costume party. Max saw lots of costumed people dancing to loud music and it was getting a little out of hand. A small boy dressed as Batman came over and looked at Max's eyes staring at him through the eyeholes.

"Mommy!" said the small boy to a woman dressed as Batman's sidekick, Robin. "That President's eyes moved!" There was obviously a painting on the other side of the wall. The boy pointed directly at Max. "Mommy, I'm scared! He has beady eyes!" Little Batman took his can of cola and splashed it all over the painting with very good aim.

Max backed out, his eyes stinging from the soda. He wiped his face with a handkerchief.

"99?" he said.

"What, Max?"

"If we have kids, don't ever let them dress up as Batman."

99 took a peek through the eyeholes, then stepped aside as the miniature Batman flung more soda at the painting. "I see what you mean. Max, we should move on. The President is obviously not at that party."

Just up the passageway, there was a carved bench with a painting and fancy wallpaper on the wall behind it. "Notice, 99, the bench…this is obviously one of those trick walls that swing around and you are in another room! Now, we'll sit down on it, I expect we'll be in the next room that we want to search."

Max, 99 and F3 sat on the bench, the wall moved and turned, stopping, then the bench tipped and dumped the three agents on the floor.

"Well, it's the old fake-wall-that-swings-around-and-dumps-you-from-the-bench trick!" said Max rubbing his head. "Are you OK, 99?" He looked over at her.

99 thought she detected concern in his gaze. "I'm just fine, love," she smiled.

"What about the dog…eh, F3…is she OK?" The little cat was licking herself.

"She's all right, Max, just a little embarrassed at falling off the bench. Cats lick themselves when they are embarrassed."

"99, this room looks like the Oval Office!" said Max excitedly.

"It is, Max. Let's check everything for clues."

Max looked under the big desk. No one was there. He sat down on the President's chair. It felt very comfortable. He wondered what it would feel like to be the President. He put his feet up on the desk and his arms behind his head and leaned back…too far. The chair flipped backwards and dumped him out. He re-adjusted his tie and began to look through the desk drawers.

Meanwhile, 99 was checking the mantle. A man's head and shoulders slid down the fireplace, along with some soot. "13!" said 99. "I didn't know you were hiding there!"

Max looked up and came over, bending down to see. "You're upside down, 13."

13 sneezed and more soot blew out. "86, I'm tired of being stuck in here. I'm all grimy and this soot is making me sneeze." He glanced at 99. "Have you got a hanky?"

99 nodded, and procured one from her pocket. She held it for him while13 blew his nose. It made the handkerchief all black. 99 held it out away from her by an end and tossed it in the trash.

"13, that's disgusting!" said Max.

"Well, I can't get my arms out, they're stuck. How would you like to be stuck in a chimney with a runny nose?"

"13, your report!" said Max, authoritatively.

"86, if you're not going to be nice, I'll just go back up this chimney!"

"I thought you were stuck."

"Well, I can go up the chimney down but not down the chimney up." Max looked confused.

"99, reach my inside coat pocket," said 13. "There's a map of all the floors of the White House. I marked a red X where the President's being held in an underground room….a secret sub-basement."

99 retrieved the map as F3 stood on her hind legs in the fireplace and licked 13's face. "Bye, cutie!" he said as he went up the chimney.


	9. The Chemistry Lab

**Chapter 9 - The Chemistry Lab**

The three agents left the Oval Office and followed the map to the lower level and then to the sub basement. F3 led the way, listening intently at each door. They approached a door labeled "Chemistry Lab." F3 scratched on the door. Max opened the door quietly and the three walked in. Not brightly lit, the room still revealed that there were test tubes galore with every color of fluid imaginable covering desks and tables everywhere.

"Max, be careful," whispered 99, knowing what could happen if Max got too near breakable objects.

They approached a second doorway to another dimly lit room. Voices could be heard, but not clearly. Two thugs were in the room, dressed in black, and a man in a lab coat leaning over a metal medical table on which another man was tied. "It's the President!" said 99, excitedly. "I think they're trying to find out information, Max!"

"It looks like that, 99. Follow me…we'll jump them!" 99 caught his arm.

"Wait Max, wouldn't it be better to wait and find out more…we should get closer and surprise them."

"99, you're right." Max conceded. She looked surprised.

The three Control agents crouched down and got as close as possible to hear the conversation. The KAOS agents appeared to be discussing torture to get information out of the President.

"Why don't we just use KAOS truth serum, Professor?" asked one of the thugs.

"No, no that would never work!" replied the lab-coated agent.

"Why not?"

"TRUTH serum…on a government official?"

"Oh, I see what you mean."

"I have something better," replied the Professor. "It's a torture too diabolical for words."

"What is it, Prof?"

"It's tickle-serum! The victim will feel like he is being tickled by hundreds of hands, everywhere, and will laugh, cry and scream. He will not be able to breathe from laughter. Finally he will beg us to give him the antidote. He will then be ready to tell us whatever we want!"

"All right, Mr. President, one more chance…where are those missile silos and the controls for them?" said the Professor.

"I'll NEVER talk…I will never betray my country!" said the President.

"What a hideous plan, Max…we have to rescue the President before they administer the serum!" whispered 99.

At that, F3 started creeping forward. She went into a crouch and made a huge leap forward, landing on the Professor's head, scratching at his eyes viciously. Max and 99 jumped into action. 99 gave a punch to one of the thugs on the chin, catching him by surprise and knocking him to the floor. She pulled her gun and told the man to stay on the floor. Max gave a whack to the other thug's stomach and a left punch to his jaw. The thug crashed to the floor and Max pulled his gun.

Max and 99 looked over at the Professor who was still struggling to get F3 off his head. She was holding on with claws out and her tiny knife was held in her mouth at the Professor's throat.

"Get this dog off my face," he moaned.

"Okay, that's enough, F3. You can jump down now. I have him covered." said Max. He motioned the three men into a closet, grabbing a huge ring of keys from the table. He began to try every key, looking for the right one.

99 untied the President. She then pressed a button on her necklace pendant and put her ring up to her mouth. The ring began to ring. "Chief," said 99. "We found the President and have the KAOS agents locked in the basement lab."

"Good work! I'll be right over with reinforcements and we can take the KAOS agents into custody."

"Well, I must say, that was a most IMPRESSIVE display!" said the President who was sitting on the edge of the metal table. "What is your name, young lady?"

"I'm Agent 99 of Control."

He stepped down and came over to shake 99's hand. "Young lady, it's heartening to see people like you in government service. I am very proud of you. And your little Chihuahua dog was very brave. Very smart…."

99 interrupted the President. "Sir, this is F3 - she's a specially trained Siamese CAT. She has shown herself to be a very valuable agent."

Max was still fumbling with the keys. "Who's he?" asked the President.

"That's my husband, Agent 86. He's Control's top agent."

Max dropped the key ring and had to start all over. From inside the closet came the KAOS Professor's voice…."It's the key marked 'CHEMISTRY LAB CLOSET!'"

"Oh," said Max. He quickly locked the door.

Max, 99 and F3 went back upstairs to the room where the costume party fundraiser was still going on. The party-goers were still dancing.

"Okay everyone," announced Max. "You can all go home, the party's over!"

The party goers started to file out. "That was the worst White House party I've ever been to!" remarked a clown.

The old lady dressed as an alien stopped as she passed by the three Control agents. "What happened to your daughter?" she asked Max. "And where did you get that funny-looking dog?"

The miniature Batman spied Max and looked up at him. He started yelling, "Mommy, he's scaring me! He has beady eyes!" The boy splashed another can of cola on Max as he passed by.

* * *

Max and 99 were sitting on the couch in their living room. His arm was around her and they were sitting close. He kissed her gently, then said, "Well, we got a Presidential commendation for this case. What could be better than that?"

"Being here with you, Max," said 99 softly as she cuddled closer.

"The only thing I wonder about is…why did the Chief say F3 should stay with us?"

"Max, she really doesn't have any other place to go…she'd be treated as an ordinary cat anywhere else."

"Couldn't she stay with 13? She really likes him!"

"Max, that's no life for her, being stuck in appliances and furniture!"

"How about the Chief?"

"That wouldn't work…his wife is allergic."

"What about Hymie? She could sleep on his shoulder."

"Max, why don't we ask F3 where she wants to live."

F3 jumped on 99's lap and rubbed her face. Then she walked over to Max, stood on his lap with her hind legs, reached up her front paws gently on his shoulders and licked his face. She rubbed her head on his face. She pulled on his right sleeve to make him put his cufflink up near his ear. She softly mewed in his left cufflink, "You're cute."

Max looked surprised and pleased. "I thought she didn't like me. Okay, she can stay."

Max gave 99 a long kiss as F3 curled into his lap, purring happily.

THE END


End file.
